Today was a tragic interruption.

A jackhammer woke me up Sunday morning. The noise was relentless, just after 8 AM. I tried to sleep through the hellish percussion.

8:45 when I looked at the clock again. The noise must not have bothered me very much because I didn’t close my bedroom window. The hammering had ceased, but now an angry neighbor was loudly accosting one of the laborers.

Screaming about the illegality of this noise being made before nine in the morning, he threatened to call the police. I felt he was overreacting.

Everybody’s up.

I walked to the living room and turned the television to the golf. I made a very small bet on Tiger Woods to come from five strokes behind to win my money back 16 times. Futile, but just enough action to make the final round more interesting. I made coffee.

11:36 AM

I got the first text in a group thread. A link to a TMZ article:

Kobe Bryant Dies in Helicopter Crash

You’re lying, I replied.

What

I can’t process this.

We’re sorry; your call could not be completed as dialed.

Please check the number and try your call again.

I put the phone down.

Kobe was already top of mind. Just last night LeBron James had passed him on the all-time scoring list. Kobe had acknowledged it gracefully.

By Sunday afternoon, we knew more of what happened. On the way to the Mamba Academy for a youth basketball game, a helicopter carrying Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and seven others crashed in the foothills of Calabasas. The helicopter exploded and everyone perished.
Shocked and mum we found ourselves online. Too early for solidarity. We made sure everyone was served the same dish. The same cold plate of how the fuck could this happen. How can anyone swallow this?

This won’t go down easy and nobody will ask to be excused. Those who did not notice were not at the table to begin with. Kobe Bryant’s legacy has been debated grossly and often at this table. Now we finally know what he meant to us. The truth comes down like a jackhammer.

***

A famous person is a terrible measuring stick for our faith in anything, especially ourselves. Not even in flesh and blood how they manage to occupy space in our minds—discerning, informing, teasing, and toying with us.

How long have you been staying up there?

Wait, I know you.

I hated you.

I loved you.

I starved you.

I fed you.

I downplayed you.

I made you a legend.

You made me.

Now it’s too late to get to know you, and how you were before all of this happened. It’s hard to believe this happened today. Although you are no less here with me today than you were yesterday. Your absence is unacceptable.

The tired conversation, you finally transcended it.

It’s trailing off now.

Insecurity looms large tonight. We are out from under the shadow.

January 26, 2020